receipts i keep like this one

One time on a bus I looked out into the desert and wanted to live in a house in the desert. It would be a single house, and the next house would be 20 kilometers away. In one of the rooms in the house, I would have 10 - 15 puppies, maybe because I bought them like this or maybe because I had a dog who got pregnant. I am on a bus in Nevada and I was texting on my phone. I had met this someone a few months earlier and we had „sex“. I am putting sex in inverted commas because usually this meant we would make out, get really wasted on mixed drinks and cheap beer and then late at night, around 4 or 5 in the morning, we would start to go down on each other, the mucus spilling left and right of each others genital parts because the tilted perception of drunkenness makes you fail to give good oral sex. That’s just how it is. The sex was similar, no-one ever orgasmed, but it is just this animalistic, abstract idea of having sex that was driving us. Having sex until my vagina was too dry for even more sex, so I would just say „ok that’s it“. But the sex itself would be very wild: One night we spent in Boston and we were falling off beds and into shelves. I think it wasn’t even for the reason that the sex was SO GREAT, but that we constantly had to find our balance again. I put this into my good memory folder, even though the day after I sat in a cafe and felt anxious and empty, but sometimes, when you sit in one place and a lot of people are living their very safe, normal and clocked through life next to you makes the moment into an come-to-life meditation. Where in meditation, you sit in the back of your head watching the stream of thoughts pass by, I was sitting hungover, emotion- and thoughtless in a cafe watching all of  the people’s thoughts pass me by, while I was being completely thoughtless. I thoughtlessly ate a bowl of soup and scribbled notes on a paper that I would lose or throw away, but the receipt of the cafe I will keep.

The memory of the empty house in Nevada filled with puppies also has some pink and orange walls somewhere. Do you wonder where I am? Nowhere really, as the stream of life goes diagonally and I only choose where I want to sit in now.